[ as she processes his response, she slowly lowers her hand to his side. her hand is still clenched into a fist as she speaks. this time the anger being pushed back into an emotionless calm. or worse, her anger reaching a point where's all she feels. anger and disgust. ]
I don't want an apology from someone like you.
[ she knows, as she says the next words that come to her, she's no better. if it was between someone else and her treasure? ]
Hearing those words coming from your mouth make me sick. How dare you apologize for something that you'd do again? You don't feel bad for what you've done. You only feel bad for what its done to me.
[ whether it's her ego speaking or not, but it's clear that he didn't like how it was affecting her. in all of his words, it didn't sound he ever felt bad for what he had done. no, it was her. those were the feelings that he was concerned with. ]
(Between someone he barely knew and someone important to him... It wasn't that easy. No, there were other factors. The person he knew was guilty and the person he didn't know was innocent. There were people here he was responsible for and people he wasn't. People here he needed and people he didn't. And no matter which option he would have chosen, none of them would have been satisfactory. All of them would have gone wrong in some way.
Or maybe not. Considering how this Realm works.
But he hadn't known it at the time. And he can't take back what he's done. )
... Yes, I would do it again. (Maybe not every single time. If he was given the option to turn back time again and again, maybe he would try another option here or there. But more times than once, he would do it again.) Given a hundred times in that same moment, I would do a hundred things differently but still do the same thing more than once.
(He can admit that. He would sacrifice Kano and avoid Izumo. He would sacrifice Kano and never come back to the topic ever again if he could help it. He would sacrifice [that person] and go after someone else in return. He would offer another name instead. He could do a hundred different things.
And not one of them would have been satisfactory in the end.)
I do feel guilt over what I did but I don't regret it, not completely. I made my choice and I have to live with it. But you... I said things that I truly meant-- I trust you-- but because of all this, they're just meaningless. Even when I try to say the truth, it's just a lie because I know what I've done.
[ the strange duality in his words is something that izumo has trouble handling, if mainly because she doesn't care to listen to him try to explain himself. she's all too familiar with the types who are good at running their mouths and how that can get them out of trouble. oh, yeah, she's aware of them. but the thing is here—what is it that he wants to accomplish with this?
yes, he wants his confession. he wants to cleanse his mind of the mistakes that he has made and the repercussions of them but? what is the point of it..? her eyes narrow at him as he tells her, again, that he trusts her and that how his truths will be seen as lies due to his actions.
...really. what is it that he hopes to accomplish with all of this? ]
(What does he want? He doesn't answer immediately.
Forgiveness? He'd never expect it. Nothing? Then why bother explaining himself? Her hate? He could handle it but to say he actually wants that would be a lie.)
I don't know.
(Sometimes you can plot a hundred different paths and still not have any idea of the end. )
But whatever you decide to give, I'll live with it.
this again. it's strange to find herself on this side of the stage once again with someone else who seemed to be all too open to allowing her to define their "relationship". she didn't have an answer for them and she sure doesn't have an answer here. rather, there's only one answer that she can give that absolves her of any kind of responsibility one way or another. ]
Then I'll leave you to live with your mistakes. [ her words cold and detached. ] You knew exactly what you did while you were doing it.
[ something that he has made perfectly clear to her. he was well aware of what he was doing and even though things kept getting in his way to explain them.... what was the saying? where's the will, there's a way. ]
...and that's all you deserve.
[ he gets no forgiveness, he gets no further acknowledgement, he gets...nothing. all he's allowed is his own knowledge of what he has done with nothing from her. she has seen you, claude von riegan, and while it wasn't never the picture of a charming noble that others fool themselves with, she never thought she'd see this part. ]
(Ah, there's a chill in the air that shakes him and a weight that settles when she gives her decision.
Yes. So this is what he lives with from now on. The consequences for his actions and lack of actions that brought this whole situation onto them. )
Got it.
(He accepts it. It's not like he has a choice. )
You don't have to believe anything I say... But I'm not giving up. I'm still going to find a way out of this situation and I'm going to try to fix what I can. It'll never make things right but if I can make things at least a little more right... then I'll keep working with others here. You should, too.
(Even if it isn't with him. But he's just going to take the first step back and away because he's Claude von Riegan and well, he knows when to run away and retreat.)
[ when she sees him retreat from him, she sees just another side of him that she can't help but wonder how many others actually see. seeing the way he just exits things when they're less than favorable is one thing but to see him back away from her like this?
a few words come to mind for her. none of them are particularly kind and none of them are traits that a lord or a noble should exemplify if they wanted to be seen in a good light. (or maybe there could be another interpretation done here... a different perspective, but that's not the one she's sharing at the moment.)
ultimately, she doesn't stop him and does him a single favor. (is it a favor?) and takes away the option of him retreating and instead turns heel on her own and walks off. she'd wish him luck in figuring out things or even "fixing" them but she doesn't have the heart for it.
oh, no; there's nothing left of her heart for one claude von riegan. foolish as she was to think that she could ever find a spot for him among her scars. instead what she finds herself is yet another reason to continue as she has always. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I don't want an apology from someone like you.
[ she knows, as she says the next words that come to her, she's no better. if it was between someone else and her treasure? ]
Hearing those words coming from your mouth make me sick. How dare you apologize for something that you'd do again? You don't feel bad for what you've done. You only feel bad for what its done to me.
[ whether it's her ego speaking or not, but it's clear that he didn't like how it was affecting her. in all of his words, it didn't sound he ever felt bad for what he had done. no, it was her. those were the feelings that he was concerned with. ]
no subject
Or maybe not. Considering how this Realm works.
But he hadn't known it at the time. And he can't take back what he's done. )
... Yes, I would do it again. (Maybe not every single time. If he was given the option to turn back time again and again, maybe he would try another option here or there. But more times than once, he would do it again.) Given a hundred times in that same moment, I would do a hundred things differently but still do the same thing more than once.
(He can admit that. He would sacrifice Kano and avoid Izumo. He would sacrifice Kano and never come back to the topic ever again if he could help it. He would sacrifice [that person] and go after someone else in return. He would offer another name instead. He could do a hundred different things.
And not one of them would have been satisfactory in the end.)
I do feel guilt over what I did but I don't regret it, not completely. I made my choice and I have to live with it. But you... I said things that I truly meant-- I trust you-- but because of all this, they're just meaningless. Even when I try to say the truth, it's just a lie because I know what I've done.
And you don't deserve that.
no subject
yes, he wants his confession. he wants to cleanse his mind of the mistakes that he has made and the repercussions of them but? what is the point of it..? her eyes narrow at him as he tells her, again, that he trusts her and that how his truths will be seen as lies due to his actions.
...really. what is it that he hopes to accomplish with all of this? ]
What would you want from me after all of this?
no subject
Forgiveness? He'd never expect it.
Nothing? Then why bother explaining himself?
Her hate? He could handle it but to say he actually wants that would be a lie.)
I don't know.
(Sometimes you can plot a hundred different paths and still not have any idea of the end. )
But whatever you decide to give, I'll live with it.
(The same he does with everything else.)
no subject
this again. it's strange to find herself on this side of the stage once again with someone else who seemed to be all too open to allowing her to define their "relationship". she didn't have an answer for them and she sure doesn't have an answer here. rather, there's only one answer that she can give that absolves her of any kind of responsibility one way or another. ]
Then I'll leave you to live with your mistakes. [ her words cold and detached. ] You knew exactly what you did while you were doing it.
[ something that he has made perfectly clear to her. he was well aware of what he was doing and even though things kept getting in his way to explain them.... what was the saying? where's the will, there's a way. ]
...and that's all you deserve.
[ he gets no forgiveness, he gets no further acknowledgement, he gets...nothing. all he's allowed is his own knowledge of what he has done with nothing from her. she has seen you, claude von riegan, and while it wasn't never the picture of a charming noble that others fool themselves with, she never thought she'd see this part. ]
no subject
Yes. So this is what he lives with from now on. The consequences for his actions and lack of actions that brought this whole situation onto them. )
Got it.
(He accepts it. It's not like he has a choice. )
You don't have to believe anything I say... But I'm not giving up. I'm still going to find a way out of this situation and I'm going to try to fix what I can. It'll never make things right but if I can make things at least a little more right... then I'll keep working with others here. You should, too.
(Even if it isn't with him. But he's just going to take the first step back and away because he's Claude von Riegan and well, he knows when to run away and retreat.)
no subject
a few words come to mind for her. none of them are particularly kind and none of them are traits that a lord or a noble should exemplify if they wanted to be seen in a good light. (or maybe there could be another interpretation done here... a different perspective, but that's not the one she's sharing at the moment.)
ultimately, she doesn't stop him and does him a single favor. (is it a favor?) and takes away the option of him retreating and instead turns heel on her own and walks off. she'd wish him luck in figuring out things or even "fixing" them but she doesn't have the heart for it.
oh, no; there's nothing left of her heart for one claude von riegan. foolish as she was to think that she could ever find a spot for him among her scars. instead what she finds herself is yet another reason to continue as she has always. ]