sacredchants | 🐝 kano catch-all

[ 300 tags... I am free, never again.

Kano, though, doesn't look as fine when he sees the onigiri. It's worse because they're cute, and even after Izumo leaves and the npcs are kind enough to feed him, he'll feel horrible in the pits of his stomach.

But not now. Even now, he wants to keep a smile on his face, even if he does a bad job of it. ]

You guys weren't stupid. You gave it your best shot, right? Even if it turned out to be wrong... You removed a problem for the future.

[ CARDORI YOUR INBOX.

yeah, she made him cute food but, at the same time, what kind of person is she? ]

Stop it! You're not a problem. [ well, he kind was a problem but that's not the point she's making. ] And we got turned around so many times and forgot a bunch of things—I had to go running into places I hated just—

[ an operating room. a lab. two places she absolutely hates more than anything. ]

It's like we barely got anything accomplished.

[ He was very much a problem? A large reason why nothing got accomplished, even though at the beginning he forced himself to touch a dead body, offered up some leads to look into from yesterday's investigations, tried to guide people towards seeking out more information, whatever. But then he was hoisted up by the ankles and I lost control of my inbox and there was no hope anymore for a good helpful Kano. ]

...It's frustrating, isn't it? To run around frantically for so long and in the end... even though it's the end that matters... I'm kinda jealous. I don't think I could've done that unless it were you who had died.

[ there's an entire other pc where she's defending him... don't do this to me.

but izumo saw what he was doing however she also understands why people thought of him as a problem. they only saw what he refused to do and not what he was doing... it's why she's so angry. they all felt bad but there were enough people voted for him despite him being cleared.

he didn't do it. it was so obvious but—it makes her so angry that she wants to cry though she's completely sidetracked by his admission?? ]

Me?

You. 'cause you're...

[ ...he trails off, looking unsure about whether he wants to say it. It's the last chance he'll ever get to tell her, but a part of him doesn't want to. Like saying it will ruin everything. ]

...important to me. Enough that I'd be upset if you'd died.

[ Like he wasn't upset about anybody else who had died. Like he can't drum up the necessary amount of care for other people unless they are the very few he fixates on. ]

[ ah.

maybe there's a part of her that kind of knew but it's always different when it's spoken. and she recoils from the barrier initially before she straightens up and leans forward. ]

Wh, why? I've been nothing but mean to you. [ she bites on her bottom lip. ] All I do is yell at you.

[ not true, she spent plenty of time with him not being mean to him, too. she made him food and didn't forget what he said. ...even if she couldn't believe it. ]

I... I pushed you down the stairs! [ then immediately went to her leader and asked for a cream for his lip. something for his wound because she couldn't stand to see him hurt. all of those past injuries as well— ] Clearly there should be better people who were nicer to you that should mean something to you.

Th, that girl—Hikaru—she clung to you and always wanted whatever for you.

[ don't make her feel special right now. ]

[ Haha, yeah. Kano doesn't argue with any of that— being mean, yelling, pushing him down the stairs, there being plenty of people who are nicer to him, but still... even as Izumo recalls all these things, Kano just looks fonder and fonder. ]

I know. But it's because you're like that, that I can't help but like you. Hikaru and I were cursed to feel like shit when we're apart this week, but you know? I feel the same when I'm away from you too.

[ the fondness on his face doesn't help but she just can't believe what she's hearing right now at all. clearly there were other people right? yona?? she had no idea whatever they had but?? right??

she's prettier and probably worlds nicer. certainly has a better personality than izumo.

she'd question why he's doing this but she knows exactly why this is happening. there's not going to be another chance to say this... ]

Feel...

W, what am I supposed to do now? [ she shoots straight up from where she was sitting and marches over to the barrier and pounds on it with a fist. ] Tomorrow—

[ here come the tears that were always threatening her. ]

You know what they're going to do tomorrow! What am I supposed to do with this?! [ softer: ] This isn't fair.

[ He bites at his lip, the same spot where it'd split and he'd never put the balm on it, needling at the pain, the reminder, wondering if this will also leave a mark. It doesn't hurt anymore. ]

I'm sorry, [ he whispers, ] I haven't been fair to you from the start, huh? I can't even ask you to forget about me.

[ Even if that would be better, if she would just wash her hands clean of him and move on. But it's selfish, and unfair, and he doesn't want her to forget him. ]

Please don't.

[ she can't hear his apology if he whispers it, her hearing has been shot since monday, but she has a feeling it's what he started off with. it makes her furious. why is he apologizing? he hasn't done anything. she punches the barrier again, and one more other time before letting herself slide onto the ground.

it'll take her a moment to speak past her tears. ]

Neither of us were fair. [ neither of them were really honest, huh? she's not even being honest now... ] ...and what are you even talking about? I wouldn't forget you.

[ firmer, even if she's still crying. ]

I won't forget you.

[ He wishes that barrier weren't there, so that the punch could go through. He deserves it, for making her cry.

He leans his forehead against the barrier, and smiles for the both of them. ]

Promise?

Of course it's a promise! [ she'll settle next to the spot where he is against the barrier and will curl up. she doesn't know if the barrier is a blessing or a curse at this point anymore. ] Why would I lie right now?

[ excuse her for a moment as she'll rub at her nose and eyes. ugly crying is gross. ]

I don't know how, but I'll keep remembering. I'll find a way even if this place tries to take it from me.

[ Tattoo his name on her arm. But it feels like the more important the memory is, the greedier the realm is about snatching it away from people. Maybe, if that's the case, her memory of him will skirt by and be safe, because it's still so hard to think of himself as anything important. ]

I know you will. You're strong willed, and you always try your best, and you look forward. [ He settles down next to her, lying on the ground. ] This place won't get the better of you.

[ quickly writes kano's name down as one of the things she forgets—no, but she'll watch kano lay down on the ground from his side of the barrier and she responds with a squeeze of her legs.

and a grit of her teeth as he compliments her. of all times!!! she doesn't refute it but she doesn't want to acknowledge it either. ]

Th...that's a big assumption. I don't even know how you see me as a strong person.

[ especially since she's here sobbing and being useless. ]

[ He just laughs. ]

Are you kidding me? [ my fingers, autopiloting "killing" ] How we first met, every time we met, being able to put up with me, you gotta be super strong to be all that!

...It's hard to believe it when it's yourself, huh? And it's not fair for me to place expectations on you. But that's what I see. Somebody cute and strong. Willful, noisy, proud, kind, all these things that I love.

[ please don't curse me w/killing kano after this...... though it would maybe be my luck.

though his laughter gets her attention and...well. what is it that she should say in a situation like this? some of these she'll accept but...kind? ]

Y, you're kind, too. [ if there should be a kind one between them. ] In your own way.

It doesn't make sense to most people but... I can tell. There are things you hate doing but you do them anyway, right?

Eh...

[ Naru that little onigiri badge takes me out every time I look at it ]

Most everything I do I don't want to do? Like, you ever think about how great it would be to just lie on the ground and stare at the ceiling all day? Just out of the way, not being a bother to anybody.

[ Just... existing, and it being okay that he exists. ]

[ IT'S SO CUTE.......the whole outfit is cute.

but this is a slight tone shift that doesn't quite take her off guard. if anything it just makes sense to her. she remembers the last time he seemed to "change" on her. ]

I wouldn't say that I haven't had any thoughts like that before.

[ though there's a definite difference between his reason for lying around uselessly and her just wanting some peace and quiet. ]

I generally don't want to be bothered by people in the first place.

Haha... They're scary, huh? Other people.

[ He hates them too. Real skittish around them, hates having eyes on him, would rather have nothing to do with them. But sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, and be somebody you don't want to be. ]

But, you know, you're real easy to bother! It's very fun. I guess it's 'cause most people wouldn't bother with me in the first place?

[ They would be smart and walk away, not continue talking to him for 300 comments. ]

[ izumo doesn't know about people being scary but she certainly would love to give many of the a wide breadth. yet, there are people here (plenty of them) who would never grant that. ]

F, fun? [ sighs. ] ...w...well, it wasn't unpleasant talking to you.

[ a bit more honestly: ]

You were a lot better than a lot of people here. At least you only said weird things and not annoying things.

[ Izumo being honest and meanwhile Kano finds himself laughing, also as if it were a kneejerk reaction to wanting to run away. ]

Aren't you the weird one? You can ask literally anybody else here and they'd tell you I was unpleasant and annoying, you know?

[ Kano's first thread in the graveyard went "We should have left you in space." ]

[ he can laugh but it doesn't bother izumo...much. (and closes my eyes and does not think of his other graveyard threads.) ]

Who cares about anybody else?! [ honestly? it doesn't shock her to know that most people find him unpleasant or annoying. she would have said the same but you know. here she is...... ] Most of the people here still can't grasp what's going on here seriously.

[ softer. ]

I'm used to being the "weird" one, anyway.

Like there's something wrong with being weird.

[ Lots of things wrong. He'd spent a lot of time agonizing over how to fit in, but sometimes you're just a punk and can't. ]

But you're right, huh? I don't care about anybody else here. Just you.

[ or sometimes you just have demon blood and everyone thinks you're creepy... and honestly, what is she supposed to say in response to that? she'll just look down again and frown.

... ]

And back in your world? Did you have something you cared about there?

Edited 2020-10-14 03:35 (UTC)

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